"It Takes a Tribe" will be a series of blog posts in which I discuss the various people, archetypes, and role models that it takes to... well... be yourself.

Especially in the West... we have created a society abundant with social messages that imply some ultimate goal we should have to be self-made and self-driven. For the sake of productivity, capitalism, and industry, we have taken the humanity out of production and service. This is not uncommon to see in many industries and communities.
Of course, this message of being self-driven has its own value. There is nothing like self-mastery and discipline that can lead to certain freedoms, and, yes, in some cases, sure, all freedoms, but the problem I see with spreading that message is that we ignore the same interconnected web that we are using to create such a message. We ignore the fact that everything interdepends by nature, and to ignore such a fundamental, universal, human fact can irritate if not create, the same existential and social problems we try to solve.

In Tuding Itogon Benguet, near Baguio City, Philippines, my family and friends of my family mostly practiced a hunter-gatherer style of raising children and caring for our own. Regularly, many a family would treat me and all the children around me as though we were their own. I called everyone auntie, uncle, grandpa. I didn't know who was actually what, but it didn't matter. I knew if someone elderly was around I was being cared for like their own.

Acknowledgement of One's Grace

"It Takes a Tribe" is my attempt to spread a message that everyone needs everyone. There is no shame in needing someone for anything, and there is no such thing as self-made. It's the message that sometimes someone is worth helping, perhaps forever, because they are worth it, and I want to. And perhaps I will need help with something forever, and, well, Praise the Lord, thank God(self), I have you. That co-dependency doesn't have to mean unhealthy, and in fact, there is no one person who doesn't depend on someone for something. Perhaps what separates an unhealthy dependency and a healthy one is the lack of Acknowledgement, and the lack of Grace, and the lack of Acknowledgement of One's Grace.

So here is to you Mother! I acknowledge the grace you've given me and continue to give to those around you.

The First Entry

A Mother's Spirit. This is a deep dive into what makes a mother's spirit so special, how instrumental it can be for one's personal growth and mental health, the different ways it can show up in our lives, and how from time to time everyone (yes, men too) can embody this spirit.

...I know...

You may be thinking that I won't ever know. Trust me... I know. There is a pain and a deep attachment that perhaps men won't have a chance to relate to, but on the contrary, we can all recognize and realize the Spirit of the Mother on some level. Through the warmth of someone's holding, to the empathy and soothing we give to those who seek it, all of us can embody the Mother's Spirit.

There is a saying that it takes a tribe to raise a child.

Well, perhaps it takes an entire tribe for you, to be you.

Find a tall seat, or lie down in a comfortable position.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself in third person. Imagine you are with a close friend, or family member, or motherly figure, or your mom. Imagine you are having a quiet pleasant morning in your home.
You receive a text message and grab your phone to read it. You read the most devastating of news. Sorrow immediately fills your bones. Your posture changes. Your head drops, your shoulders collapse and it's clear to your guest something has happened.
Your guest walks up next to you. They first gently rub your shoulder and neck, and then rub the back of your heart with the kind of compassion you would give to your own child who is grieving.

It is clear, this person has a care for you that is unconditional. It matters very little to them what has happened, but that you know that they are there, and present with you. Without hesitation they speak the words...
...I'm Here...

In the body, In asana, In ourselves, In other words

The back of the heart is a special place in yoga practice. It's the same muscles that protect the heart and lungs that we expose in order to protect our vital organs on the other side. We take a slumping shape subconsciously in times of fear, grief, and sadness. We use common language in an attempt to relieve this. "Keep your head up." "Stand up straight, SON." These words are almost an attempt to muscle this feeling of 'weakness' out of us.
Perhaps more of us can embody a mother's spirit and be that unconditional support for others without having judgements about the rightness or wrongness of grief.
The first compassionate touch by a human can mean everything when we are in this physical state. The Mother's Spirit can instantly recognize this state and is moved to action.

Can you look back and remember the last time a person has compassionately and empathetically rubbed the back of your heart, shoulders, or neck out of support?

These muscles are the same muscles we use to carry children...to hug and to hold.

The shoulder stand is considered "the mother" of all asanas. All of your weight is being supported by your shoulders, and because your head is below your heart, it tends to turn on your parasympathetic nervous system, to calm you down, and put you in a state of rest.

A Mother's Spirit... is shared

"A mother didn't have the option of staying home all day -- leaving the foraging to someone else. Then as now, it was a question of economics. To raise children -- to feed the family -- both parents needed to participate in economic activity. Even then, two parents weren't enough." - Gwen Dewar, Ph.D
"Similar benefits of allo-parenting [caregiving by people who are not one's biological parents] operate in industrial societies as well. Social workers in the United States note that children gain from living in extended, multigenerational families that provide allo-parenting. Babies of unmarried low-income American teenagers, who may be inexperienced or neglectful as mothers, develop faster and acquire more cognitive skills if a grandmother or older sibling is present, or even if a trained college student just makes regular visits to play with the baby. The multiple caregivers in an Israeli kibbutz or in a quality day-care center serve the same function. I have heard many anecdotal stories, among my own friends, of children who were raised by difficult parents but who nevertheless became socially and cognitively competent adults, and who told me that what had saved their sanity was regular contact with a supportive adult other than their parents, even if that adult was just a piano teacher whom they saw once a week for a piano lesson." - Jared Diamond, author of Guns, Germs, and Steel,

My eulogy for my late brother, Clark Dale Domilos, in short went something like this.
"My brother was lucky enough to have an amazing mother, and many amazing mothers throughout his life. And it is in my opinion, because of this hunter-gatherer response to raising a child, that he became such an amazing man. Knowing love, knowing wisdom, and being happy with himself."
It's in our yoga. It's in the back of the heart and the shoulders. It's in our ability to console each other when we need help, and in our ability to play mom the best we can, for our friends, for each other. Let's be good to each other. Let's try and embody more the mother's spirit.
And to my own mother, You are doing a great job. I am who I am because of you, and Clark too. And to all the people who showed me and my brother their motherly spirit, Auntie Noris, Auntie Esper, Robyn, Bree. Thank you. We are better men, and better for it.
Hare Ohm
- Rex