Today I rolled out my mat. It sounds unremarkable, but it’s a gift. Since the end of January, I’ve had some health stuff that’s seriously disrupted my asana practice. Exactly three weeks ago, I was in a hospital having surgery. Being able to roll out my mat this morning was like coming home.
I know many people in the Union Yoga community are in the same situation. For various reasons, we’ve had to step away from the physical aspect of practice. So many feelings go along with the decision to pause and when picking the moment to return. Even if this isn't you right now, if you stick with yoga there'll come a time when you'll have to think about these things. I wanted to talk about what I’ve noticed. I hope it’ll help you navigate these waters.
We take breaks
With so much emphasis on ideas like #yogaeverydamnday on social media, it’s easy to feel a guilt trip when we have to step away from the physical practice for any length of time. The fact is, you’ll probably have some days where you won’t feel good. You’ll have days where you can’t come to class. Maybe you’re sick, injured, or busy, or maybe you just want to take an extended break.
It wasn’t until speaking with Rex last week that I actually heard another practitioner talk about stepping away from practice and coming back. He expressed that this pausing and restarting, too, is part of the practice.
If you’re wracking your brain to remember the last time you came to class or rolled out your mat at home, know that it’s nothing to feel bad about. Yogis take breaks. Then we come back when we’re ready. It’s all good.
Tread softly
Everyone’s return is different. (Definitely consult with a healthcare provider about practicing if you're out for medical reasons.) In my case, I had to wait for incisions to heal, but even then, I wasn’t quite ready. Before I was up and around, I did simple motions such as rolling out my ankles, my wrists, and my neck. No mat was necessary.
On day three of recovery, I took a short walk, and it wore me out. With each day, though, I felt a bit stronger. I craved a heart-opener. Even a cat-cow would have been enough to satisfy, but I had to wait. The act of spinal extension in cow pose was too radical. Seated upward-facing salutes at ¼ the usual intensity of my regular practice with the slightest lift of the chest were plenty of movement. I did what I could and I paid close attention to the feedback I felt with each motion.
Depending on what led to your break, you’re going to have to adjust. Jumping back into your previous fullest expression of asana after an extended hiatus is probably not the best starting point. I recommend dipping a toe into the water first before you dive in. We work on having this awareness of sensation and breath, and when you’re coming back to practice, you may have to feel your way through. Get curious. Recovery does not have to be a downer in which you mourn all the things you aren’t able to do. It can be a chance to celebrate whatever you can do.
You might be surprised
On Monday, I decided to try a plank pose. I started in the modified version, but when I was there I realized I felt strong enough to do a full plank. This was something in my practice before everything went haywire... I extended one leg and then the other, engaged my core, and puffed up the space at the back of my heart. I didn’t push my luck by hanging out there for too long, but I did let myself have the feeling. Then, I came down, and I observed.
In other words, it’s not enough to dip one’s toe in the water. You also have to take some time to observe what happens to the toe before moving ahead with the dive. A simple system check will give you hints about where to go next. If something hurts, dial it back. If the issue is shifting quickly from one pose to another, choose a slower-paced class.
When I decided today was the day, I logged onto the video archive (available to members in the middle of the UY homepage or here and open even when California is still asleep) and picked a practice. I decided on one of Rex’s Trolley Barn Park All Levels classes. A Yin class would have also been nice, but I was keen on something a little more active after being cooped up for so long.
The feeling of the mat under my palms and the single-minded focus of being present in my body as I went through this series of movements was a welcome walk onto familiar ground. I moved, then tested, calibrated, and then re-calibrated. I didn’t actually expect that I’d make it through the entire 60-minutes, but I was surprised. The time still flew. I was surprised again at what felt fussy. Hello, body parts that had nothing to do with my surgery. I’m so sorry I’ve been ignoring you.
Results may vary
I wish I could promise you that the moment you jump back onto the mat, everything is going to work for you just the way you want it to. Depending on where you are, and what kept you away, you might have to build up to that hour. It could look like taking things really slowly. If you are in a live-streamed or in-person class, it could even mean that you have to step back from various parts of the class.
As a person who has spent large portions of classes in recovery poses because I bit off more than I could chew, I can promise you that if you have to take it easy to be well, you won’t get any judgment at Union Yoga. Sometimes I show up to class doing my best impression of a potato. So far, nobody has said a word about it. You did the hardest part when you showed up. If you must embrace your inner spud for the cause of getting back out there, I say go for it.
Putting one’s mind in order
These days I don’t care how my practice looks. I care about how it makes me feel. Even though I kept up with other aspects of my practice throughout this medical experience, I do better when I am also moving. Can you relate?
The biggest impact I’m feeling this morning after practice is mental clarity. Even though I took an hour out of my Wednesday (the busiest day for me), I feel like I’ve accomplished more since class let out than I usually do in a whole day when I don’t practice asana or take some time to meditate right away in the morning.
Without yoga (in its physical forms and otherwise), I flit from one idea and obligation to another, often becoming so distracted that I can’t fully commit to the work in front of me. Practicing yoga is like cleaning the gunk off my glasses so that I can see everything with the necessary sharpness. It’s like a pair of noise-canceling headphones. The mental hygiene that comes along with this brilliant system of eight limbs is as essential to me as brushing my teeth or showering.
If you’re on the fence about whether or not to show up on your mat, it’s this benefit that usually wins me over. How is it that we buy time when we slow down? It’s one of the great mysteries of being. I guess putting our mental house in order by reconnecting the mind and the body is what really does it.
Whatever the answer, when it comes to a return from a long hiatus from the physical practice, there’s one thing I know for sure: It’s good to be back.
I hope to practice with you soon, my friends! It's been so long, and I miss this community.