“They should be able to do a handstand by now.” I stood in a long-ago studio, dewy-eyed and embarrassed, as a highly-regarded teacher (not a Union Yoga employee) kvetched about the students in the upcoming class. Had she forgotten that I was one of them? Hadn’t she noticed how week after week I worked to build my strength and find my feet within my hands, but I hadn’t once taken flight? I went back to preparing the space for the class while I processed my inadequacy.

Is it working?

Clearly, I wasn’t put off from yoga forever by that exchange, but I wonder how many students have been chased from studios by similar comments. Many of us have loud inner critics. We could do without the finger-wagging from an external one. Plus, a lot of us, for a variety of reasons, choose to engage with yoga differently. The great news is that you can’t be bad at yoga, but how can you gauge if the practice is working for you?

When I knew yoga was working for me

Was it when I did a fancy inversion all by myself? Not really. I saw success in yoga when I stopped looking for it in my hamstrings and arm balances.

I was walking my dog in East Village, and a man across the street started shouting obscenities. I glanced up and recognized that the man was not shouting at me or anyone else. It occurred to me that it must be very difficult for him to walk in the world like this, whether this shouting was an expression of true frustration or the result of an illness. I didn't know his story.

There was a time that his behavior would have sent my sympathetic nervous system into high gear. You may know the heart-pounding, stomach-aching response when your body prepares you to fight or flee. I’m sure I would have had these feelings if the man was threatening my safety, but the habit of mindfulness I’d been developing in yoga practice offered me a moment to see the situation. My sympathetic nervous system did not have to kick in to protect me because I was not in danger. Instead of being frightened, I was able to feel compassion. It was a subtle shift that assured me that something changed within me.

Here are some ways to check in with yourself

Some of you will have that epiphany moment like the one I described above, but it doesn't happen that way for everyone. Instead, I propose some other ways to do some self-study (svadhyaya). Fun-fact: None of these things involve bending in any specific way.

Do you engage in self-inquiry in class?

Are you simply following directions, or are you hearing cues and then adjusting based on your unique needs? Anyone can play Simon Says. As we continue to practice, we become more attuned to what works for us. When we’re confident in practice, we’ll have no qualms about adapting or diverging entirely.

To what degree are you comfortable in your own skin?

A successful yoga practice can be empowering. Do you do things because you want the teacher to notice you, or are you doing things for yourself? Do you sit things out because you’re afraid you might embarrass yourself? Are you open to giving something new a try -- even if you know it isn't going to look graceful? Being able to laugh at oneself and take agency over one’s practice are great markers of success.

Does yoga make you feel better?

We know sometimes we're going to feel tired or sore after class, and sometimes our yoga is going to give us space to notice the good and the not-so-great things happening within us. How is your day after you practice? I’ve found that yoga can help me find some sense of equilibrium in my day. I’m not as quick to fly off the handle after practice, and I'm usually more productive. That’s success in my book.

How subtle can you get?

Yoga cues are broad brush strokes. Teachers can give instructions and point out things you may experience, but you’re the only one having your experience. Can you observe the sensation in your front quad in Warrior II? Great! Now can you observe the sensation at the top of your head or the feeling of your clothing on your skin in this pose? When you exit the pose, what sensations arise? An appreciation of subtlety is something that comes with a successful practice.

How do you do your dishes?

“There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes to wash the dishes.”

And also:

“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not ‘washing the dishes to wash the dishes.’ What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink.”

Thich Nhat Hanh was specifically talking about mindfulness in these quotes, but this is very much in line with Ram Dass and his simple recommendation: “Be here now.”

You may be able to see the impact of your yoga practice in these everyday sorts of experiences. There are pockets of contentment waiting to be experienced. I’ve noticed that the more I practice, the more the dishwashing quote makes sense.

This is not for a grade

The great news is that you have the freedom to practice at your pace. Best of all, you define your own success. At Union Yoga, we're here to cheer you on.

How do you define success for yourself within this practice?