With a new year upon us, many people are trying yoga for the first time. Welcome! I hope today's topic will clear the air about something new students wonder about at times. Those of you who’ve been around for a while, don’t worry. This message has something for you too.

Today I want to dive into a topic that brings up some strong opinions: gurus.

Must we go on a pilgrimage?

When I began practicing yoga, my achievement-obsessed self wanted to know the quickest way to master this discipline. I have to laugh now, but I really thought I could study for yoga as I did for exams and come out with some gold stars on the other end.

While digging for information, I learned about gurus, people who could take one’s attainment level from zero to sacred in no time flat. I was intrigued. Being a curious student, I asked one of my most influential teachers about these ideas. I was genuinely concerned that I get this yoga thing right.

An indictment of gurus

My teacher, somewhat disturbed by my question, gave me the Cliff’s Notes version of the damage caused by charlatans and hacks, the so-called gurus in the headlines. You can watch Kumaré or Wild, Wild Country, or Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator, and get a graphic summary. The Yoga is Dead podcast episode, “Gurus Killed Yoga,” can tell you pretty much everything you need to know about what can go wrong in a guru-disciple relationship.

He then said, “You are the guru.” My student-brain had a hard time processing this. Gurus were potentially the opposite of what I thought they were, and I was supposed to be some sort of guru figure for myself. This question of who is a guru is not a Zen koan, but it drifts pretty close to the line in my mind. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he did put my mind at ease. My capacity to take a pilgrimage in search of mystics had no correlation to my dedication as a student.

Where does this come from?

I know I’ve offended some readers by talking about gurus like this. Some of you have sought gurus and had your lives changed by them for the better. F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” If there’s one thing I believe about all of us, it’s that we can hold two opposing ideas in our minds at the same time and continue to function.

There are, of course, examples of positive guru-student relationships. One of my most beloved teachers received diksha (initiation) from a guru, and her work as a teacher is truly next-level. We can’t forget how Ram Dass, an adept teacher in his own right, held such a deep love for his guru, Neem Karoli Baba.

So where does this breakdown occur? How do we have, on the one hand, results as devastating as you can imagine, and on the other, beings capable of transmitting some experience of attainment? I did what I always do when I face such a conundrum. I talked to my teachers, I self-reflected, and I picked up my copy of Tantra Illuminated by Christopher Wallis. (By the way, a little bird tells me that this book will be in the Union Yoga library. You can see it for yourself. Look at “The Role of the Guru” on pages 340-344 to learn more about guru-yoga.)

Wallis discusses the origins of the guru-disciple relationship as it applies to Tantra, and although we’re not all Tantrikas, this information helped me understand where some of our ideas come from, and where they might go wrong.

“Guru” doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, first of all. To some, the guru is an acarya (teacher of doctrine). For others, the guru is a liberated master. The bottom line is that gurus are complicated.

According to Wallis, one of the reasons we run into problems with gurus today is that there can be a disconnect in the student-guru relationship, particularly when the guru and disciple come from completely different cultures. Whether it's outright predation or a misunderstanding, the student cannot win. I posit an additional layer to the problem. There’s also a great deal of vulnerability in being a student.

To be open to learning is vulnerable and brave

When I worked as a schoolteacher, we often talked about a psychological concept called “learned helplessness.” The gist is that if a person is subjected to repeated stresses and failures, that individual may decide that they can’t solve problems on their own. The student may refuse help, disengage, or become frustrated because effort feels pointless.

There’s no question that adults also experience this. Who hasn’t at some point felt like no matter what they do, they just can’t get ahead? Such feelings can lead us to look outside of ourselves, and if an unsavory character swoops in with “all the answers,” there are plenty of us who’d sooner believe that person than trust ourselves. You can see how this might go awry.

When my teacher said, “You are the guru,” I didn’t believe him because I did not believe in myself, but maybe I believed what he had to say more than my own thoughts. I could not see or acknowledge my own light. I was looking outside myself for the answers. Some students do this all the time, and when we do, we might knowingly or unknowingly hand our agency and discernment over to our teachers. I STILL do this when I’m feeling stressed, and I still have to course correct. Through my practice, I have come to recognize this habit energy.

There are no gurus at Union Yoga… unless you can see the guru in yourself

I’ve got two pieces of great news. Learned helplessness is a learned thing. This means that it can be unlearned! In education, fostering reasonable optimism is the answer, and I think that’s a great place to start.

If you find yourself leaning into hopelessness, you can change it. The way you do that might be as straightforward as noticing the language you use when thinking of yourself. It may require support from a therapist. Isn’t it great, though? You don’t have to stay stuck, and you can be the one to turn the ship around.

The other great news is that there are no gurus at Union Yoga… unless you count yourself. We have highly-qualified and talented teachers. They are all human beings who have studied and practiced. They are not gurus. They cannot give you all the answers. It’s so wonderful because it means we can learn from them and appreciate their unique skill sets, but we also have to trust ourselves. We have to use our discernment. Your ability to discern is your yogic superpower.

Acknowledge your power

One of our teachers, Justice Klein (@justice_klein) recently made a post on her Instagram page about why she no longer “holds space” for students. (It's worth a gander. Well said, Justice!) I’ve used this terminology of holding space many times, but she makes a good argument for why it does not serve students. The teacher can be right there with you, but they can’t carry you. As students, we have to learn how to hold our own space. As teachers, it’s our job to hold up the mirror for students. Everything you need is already within you, my dear. If you don’t see it now, I hope you will soon.

If you’re looking for a mantra this week, I have a suggestion. I’ll be trying this one on too.

I trust myself.